A friend of mine recently shared an interesting article on Family History with me, called "The Stories that Bind Us," by Bruce Feiler. This article talks about a measure called "Do You Know" that Dr. Marshall Duke and his colleague, Dr. Robyn Fivush - two psychologists - put together, that measured children on how well they knew their family history, and how much that knowledge impacted their psychological well being.
The trigger for creating this test was that Dr. Duke's wife, Sara, was a psychologist who worked with children with disabilities, and she had noticed that the ones who knew a lot about their families tended to face challenges more successfully. Dr. Marshall Duke set out to test that theory.
The conclusions from the "Do You Know Test," which tested over four dozen families, were overwhelming. "The more children knew about their family's history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successfully they believed their families functioned."
This is a fascinating read, and I highly recommend you click on the link above.
So how do you make family history come alive with your family, without it feeling like a burden?
Making Family History Come Alive
I worked directly with the leading genealogy experts (they wrote articles for our magazine, for which I was an editor) at one of the leading genealogy companies in the world for seven years (Ancestry.com) so I'm well aware of how intimidating and complex family history work can be - hunting down gravestones, deciphering mistakes made by well-meaning fellow amateur genealogists in your extended family, discovering that the reason you can't find someone by their age is that they lied because they didn't want to be older than their spouse, etc. I also know how serendipitous it can be - tripping at a cemetery and landing on the gravestone of your great-great-great-great that you've been unable to find, discovering a long-lost cousin, etc.
Some recommendations:
1. Tell stories.
During the Christmas season, when I make honey candy with my mother-in-law, as the honey stretches and turns white, she says, "Mother would say this candy is now the color of Dixie's hair." Dixie was her sister that passed away when Dixie was around 16 and she was only about 2. However, in re-telling this small story, her mother, and now Franny, has kept Dixie alive in the hearts of three generations.
Several years ago, I told my nephew and nieces the story of when the third youngest in the family was born, and how I had stayed with them while their parents went to the hospital. They were young at the time, and had not heard the story before. It was so fun to see their excitement and interest in these stories about themselves that they no longer remembered.
Focus on stories that whet their interest so they are excited to learn more!
2. Ask questions.
I regularly send emails to family members with random questions, To my siblings: "Hey, what game do you remember we liked to play the most when we were kids?" To my parents: "Mom, you said you used to draw for an archeologist. How did you get that job? What did you draw?" (Real question to my mom :)!) These short questions can sometimes spark an online conversation with my family members that live in four different cities and three different states.
3. Encourage children to ask questions.
This is not something children tend to have a problem with when they are comfortable around you of course ("Why? Why? Why?") but you can help them focus their questions on things that help them learn and grow.
4. Make family history a regular part of your lives.
My sister taught her kids the song "Family History, I am Doing It" when they were really little. They loved this song and sang it at their big family reunions on her husband's side of the family. I love how it made them aware of family, and made them think about what family meant to them.
5. Make sure to record things in their own words.
This one is so important and one that I think people really don't think about. Yesterday night, I read the family history of my husband's grandparents, who passed away long before I was around to meet them. In the family history, Grandma Shumway wrote the family history for Grandpa Shumway, because he had already passed away. Then, before the book was published, the author (a son) that was doing all the research found an old interview he had conducted with his dad, and was able to share something that Grandpa Shumway had written in his own words many years before. It was such a treasure for us to read about him in his own words. He had a very poetic style that made me realize where my mother-in-law's style comes from.
I have also seen parents copy down funny things their kids say, word for word. I think this capturing of the actual personality and way of saying things is so important and valuable, now that I've personally witnesses the disappointment, then exhilaration, of finding the words of someone that has long since passed from this world.
I have asked my parents to write their own biographies in their own words for me. I have been interviewing over the years so I could write an interesting biography about them, but I don't want to miss out on the opportunity to hear about how they write their own lives, in their own words.
6. Check out online journaling apps
I use Penzu but there are many other options. I focus on writing things that I can reflect on, that make me a better person, and that is an experience that really impacted me. I think about the Bible or the Book of Mormon, and what those writers focused on in the short amount of time and space that they had to work with, and I try to focus on writing a legacy that is worth reading.
Happy Family History-ing!
The trigger for creating this test was that Dr. Duke's wife, Sara, was a psychologist who worked with children with disabilities, and she had noticed that the ones who knew a lot about their families tended to face challenges more successfully. Dr. Marshall Duke set out to test that theory.
The conclusions from the "Do You Know Test," which tested over four dozen families, were overwhelming. "The more children knew about their family's history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successfully they believed their families functioned."
This is a fascinating read, and I highly recommend you click on the link above.
So how do you make family history come alive with your family, without it feeling like a burden?
Making Family History Come Alive
I worked directly with the leading genealogy experts (they wrote articles for our magazine, for which I was an editor) at one of the leading genealogy companies in the world for seven years (Ancestry.com) so I'm well aware of how intimidating and complex family history work can be - hunting down gravestones, deciphering mistakes made by well-meaning fellow amateur genealogists in your extended family, discovering that the reason you can't find someone by their age is that they lied because they didn't want to be older than their spouse, etc. I also know how serendipitous it can be - tripping at a cemetery and landing on the gravestone of your great-great-great-great that you've been unable to find, discovering a long-lost cousin, etc.
Some recommendations:
1. Tell stories.
During the Christmas season, when I make honey candy with my mother-in-law, as the honey stretches and turns white, she says, "Mother would say this candy is now the color of Dixie's hair." Dixie was her sister that passed away when Dixie was around 16 and she was only about 2. However, in re-telling this small story, her mother, and now Franny, has kept Dixie alive in the hearts of three generations.
Several years ago, I told my nephew and nieces the story of when the third youngest in the family was born, and how I had stayed with them while their parents went to the hospital. They were young at the time, and had not heard the story before. It was so fun to see their excitement and interest in these stories about themselves that they no longer remembered.
Focus on stories that whet their interest so they are excited to learn more!
2. Ask questions.
I regularly send emails to family members with random questions, To my siblings: "Hey, what game do you remember we liked to play the most when we were kids?" To my parents: "Mom, you said you used to draw for an archeologist. How did you get that job? What did you draw?" (Real question to my mom :)!) These short questions can sometimes spark an online conversation with my family members that live in four different cities and three different states.
3. Encourage children to ask questions.
This is not something children tend to have a problem with when they are comfortable around you of course ("Why? Why? Why?") but you can help them focus their questions on things that help them learn and grow.
4. Make family history a regular part of your lives.
My sister taught her kids the song "Family History, I am Doing It" when they were really little. They loved this song and sang it at their big family reunions on her husband's side of the family. I love how it made them aware of family, and made them think about what family meant to them.
5. Make sure to record things in their own words.
This one is so important and one that I think people really don't think about. Yesterday night, I read the family history of my husband's grandparents, who passed away long before I was around to meet them. In the family history, Grandma Shumway wrote the family history for Grandpa Shumway, because he had already passed away. Then, before the book was published, the author (a son) that was doing all the research found an old interview he had conducted with his dad, and was able to share something that Grandpa Shumway had written in his own words many years before. It was such a treasure for us to read about him in his own words. He had a very poetic style that made me realize where my mother-in-law's style comes from.
I have also seen parents copy down funny things their kids say, word for word. I think this capturing of the actual personality and way of saying things is so important and valuable, now that I've personally witnesses the disappointment, then exhilaration, of finding the words of someone that has long since passed from this world.
I have asked my parents to write their own biographies in their own words for me. I have been interviewing over the years so I could write an interesting biography about them, but I don't want to miss out on the opportunity to hear about how they write their own lives, in their own words.
6. Check out online journaling apps
I use Penzu but there are many other options. I focus on writing things that I can reflect on, that make me a better person, and that is an experience that really impacted me. I think about the Bible or the Book of Mormon, and what those writers focused on in the short amount of time and space that they had to work with, and I try to focus on writing a legacy that is worth reading.
Happy Family History-ing!
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