What "Alone" teaches us about how to live life

The only television show I have watched regularly since it aired in 2015 ran its season finale last week. "Alone" focuses on outdoorsmen (I use the word "men" and "he" here loosely to encompass both men and women) who test their survival skills by living alone in remote places, starting with Northern Vancouver Island during the first season. Each of the ten participants are responsible for building their own shelter and finding their own food using the limited amount of gear from the Alone-approved gear list and their survival skills. They are dropped off satellite phone they can use to contact the show and officially "tap out." They are then picked up, and taken home. The last to tap out wins the season and $500,000.

I love this show because since it's just the participant and the camera, it skips the drama of reality television (no petty fighting), and focuses on man against nature. Each participant has camera gear that they are required to use to film themselves each day, so that they are truly alone (no cameramen). They talk about things they are trying and doing as they hunt, build their shelter, and count the days going by.

In addition, participants have to make tough choices about what they bring to their remote location. They only have ten slots available for items in the categories of shelter, bedding, cooking, hunting, and tools. (They can bring some clothing, including a warm jacket and thick boots, and some other clothing items that are not included in the ten slots.) Pretty much everybody brings a sleeping bag, tarp, knife, saw or axe, and a pot, which leaves only five spots. Participants that are good with a bow drill may choose to skip bringing a flint to use the slot for something else. Someone that is good at weaving rope might skip the gill net and make their own. Most participants opt to carve their own spoon and bowl, in lieu of something they can't make as easily themselves.

The key to survival
Who has done well on the show over the years, and why?

I've seen some participants go home for making decisions that were fairly foolhardy, like drinking unfiltered water (they poured it through moss and considered it "filtered"). I've seen some make unfortunate mistakes, like slicing into a tendon when a knife slipped.

I've also seen miracles, for instance, a woman successfully self-treating a venomous spider bite with plants, or a man successfully staving off hypothermia after falling into cold water. One person was lucky because their gill net happened to be set up right where there was a salmon run in a small neck of the river, so that person had great fish bounty for quite some time.

While luck always plays a small part in life (both good and bad luck), there are some key traits in the participants that lasted the longest. Those traits can be applied to how we live our lives. We see these same traits repeated all the way back to survivors in the Bible and to modern stories in today's news.

1. Use hope as an anchor - but don't pin your hope on the wrong thing
Everyone that has been on the show (and didn't tap out within days) lost significant body fat and suffered starvation, loneliness, homesickness, boredom, and in some cases, paranoia, injury, and fear (there were some scary predators circling around some of the participants once they caught food).  This sounds miserable but these are participants that often work in the outdoor or survival industry, or live off the land, and are excited to test their skills. So where does hope come in?

In Season 1, the last man standing lasted for 56 days. While this was a lot less than one year, he lost 60 pounds even though he was so skilled at hunting and finding food. The participants that were dropped off knew that they might need to last as long as one year to win. The potential of having to last one full year was so daunting that many lost hope after the first grueling weeks. In fact, some participants tapped out within days of being dropped off by a helicopter.

In Season 2, participants came onto the show having seen Season 1, and used 56 days as their end goal. Many thought that if they could last for 60 days, that would likely be enough to win. Once participants started living there past 56 days, still without signs of winning, and in the face of so many significant obstacles, their confidence took a hit, and their hope waned. Their single data point had proven to be unreliable.

However, some participants stuck it out anyway. They pinned their hope on something more substantial than 56 days. Many of the participants were focused on how they would be able to provide for their families. (On the flip side, many participants said they were leaving because having the time with their families was more important than potentially winning. I personally understand this thinking so this article is not a debate about what is the better part, but on why the winners were successful in their goals to stay on the island the longest. In many cases, both sets of reasoning came down to family.)

As far back as the Bible, the people in historical times talked about hope. In Romans 5:3-5, the missionary Paul writes a letter to the people of Rome and tells them to have faith. He says, "... we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts ..."

2. Have a catalog of skills.
There is always an opportunity learn new skills and refine old ones. Each participant that did well typically had a wide range of skills, from the ability to build a durable shelter, to setting up land and water snares, knowing how to catch fish in gill nets, building a campfire, and more. We all have talents but if we put all of our hopes and dreams into a single talent, we limit our ability to succeed.

On "Alone," there wasn't one single skill that completely dominated the other skills. For instance, one man was unusually successful as a hunter but he had wolverines that were aggressively stealing his food. He used another skill, an ability to build a tower high in the air, and the knowledge to smooth the posts so that animals wouldn't climb them, to keep the wolverines from continuing to steal his supply.

Hunting stood out as one of the most valuable skills but when a man accidentally burned down his house, it didn't matter how much food he had left - he had to go home because it was too far into winter to try to start over and build a new shelter in the cold. He had to wait until morning to be picked up though, and used his shelter-building skills to create a temporary lean-to instead. The participants that were skilled with identifying edibles tended to have a more complete diet, or at least, another source of food until they could hunt meat.

The Bible focuses on many of the missionaries that tried to spread the gospel of Christ, but many had other skills. Joseph is known as the carpenter. Paul was a tent maker. Peter was a fisherman. 

In Matthew 25:14-29, Jesus gives the parable of the talents. A man gave one man 5 talents, another 2 talents, and another 1 talent. The first one multiplied his 5 into 10. The second multiplied his 2 into 4. The third man hid his talent, and therefore did not find an opportunity to increase his talents. The first man may have started out with more talents but maybe it was the sixth talent that came in handy for one, and the third talent that came in handy for the next - and had they chosen to hide that talent under a rock, all of their talents, not just the sixth and third one, would have gone to waste.

3. Grow your mental fortitude.
One of my three favorite participants in the first season combated loneliness and boredom with an active imagination and humorous personality. He talked to the camera because it was basically his imaginary friend. He joked around and had rocks act like puppets. He told amusing stories. He sang. He did not seem like an odd man, just a man that was looking for a way to combat the extreme loneliness that surprised so many of the participants. Those who folded quickly expected to miss their families but they did not realize how devastatingly lonely they could feel on top of the homesickness. This man talked later about how extreme and psychological it was to be completely alone, with all the noise of life completely stripped away. He had to find himself again, and find how to survive as a man alone.

This reminded me of the Tom Hanks and his volleyball friend on Castaway. It wasn't crazy to make up a friend, it was survival. 

Another man on "Alone" used up his precious calories to go on a difficult hike in honor of fallen soldiers, I believe (it's been a while since that one aired). While it seemed like a waste of precious calories to me, it was clear afterward that this man needed to have missions to feel satisfaction and to battle his own version of loneliness. He made decisions that worked with what he knew his mind needed to stay strong.

What gives you mental fortitude?

John 14:27 says, "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you; not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

4. Adapt. (Try something different this time).One of the most outstanding skills I saw in successful participants was the ability to adapt. I saw this over and over again. In Season 1, the gill net was an extremely successful way for most participants to catch fish. However, when the fish stopped running into the nets as the season changed, or when other predators figured out that they could steal fish off the gill nets, participants had to learn to adapt. The ones that couldn't adapt simply starved, grew discouraged, and tapped out. In one season, one man changed his methods and went to classic fishing with a hook. When others were staring hopelessly at their empty gill nets, he was feasting.

Each time someone adapted, they may have failed at first but it eventually led to success where others were failing by making the same mistake over and over again. This innovation was especially true of the winner of Season 1. He was extremely innovative - and that is not a spoiler. There were several extremely innovative men on Season 1. The winner tried things that didn't work, then he tried new things. He also quite literally turned over rocks on the beach shore, looking for little creatures that he could add to his dinner pot.

5. Think outside the box.
Over the seasons, I've seen participants build boats out of found material that washed ashore, and by using their woodworking skills. I saw one man basically build himself a working sink by rigging a found container to a line, and using his foot to hit a pedal every time he wanted to tip the "spigot" down to "run" the water. While some of these inventions were frivolous some ideas proved invaluable. My favorite invention was in Season 1, when Alan found a plastic bottle, cut it in half, inverted the neck into the bottle, and placed the bottle strategically on between rocks where the water rolled in every morning in order to catch tiny fish. He didn't just eat the tiny fish though - he saved some for a warming stew but he used some as bait to catch bigger fish.

I have been watching some of the Olympic trials for folks hoping to get a spot in the Olympics next year. They have featured many Olympic hopefuls who face great challenges because they don't have proper equipment or places to train in their countries. Some of this is really basic stuff - women that can't even find a store in their country that carries track clothes that will fit them to exercise. They have to get creative with their workouts, what they use, and how they train. While I mourn their disadvantages I am impressed by how they think outside the box to try to qualify. 

6. Don't fool yourself.
There were a few rare participants that only lasted a few days. Those ones that left super early generally left because they were overcome by fear. I completely understand their fear, as some years, they were seeing bears almost immediately, or hearing wolves, etc. I spend a significant amount of time in the woods at night but I have a flashlight, bear mace, and my husband with me, and it makes a world of difference. I am not belittling these talented men (by the way, in this case, I am using the word men to refer to the male gender. There were fewer women on the show overall but none left because of fear of wildlife.)

The other way that participants fooled themselves was apparent during the health checks. The show medics would perform random checks once in a while and show up to listen to their heart, have them stand on a scale, etc., and make sure the participants weren't putting themselves into danger. It is not unusual for at least one participant to be sent home each season because they have lost over 25% body fat, and the medics feel the individual is in danger of going into organ failure due to having lost too much weight too fast. In cases when this has happened, participants have been surprised and some tried to fight the mandate, even though the medic was patiently explaining to them that they were risking death. These individuals were so strong and determined that they survived months of starvation, but they didn't know when to say "stop." However, one of the seasons of "Alone" was an all-star episode where they brought back people that had done very well in previous episodes. In one of the return episodes, a man (one of my favorite contestants to this day, and someone that definitely had the skill to win the show) that had been stockpiling food but didn't eat enough to keep up his body fat showed he had learned, and was carefully monitoring himself so that he could make the choice to tap out if he recognized that he was underweight. He learned from his mistake not to fool himself.

7. Take precautions.
Some of the winners on the show took calculated risks but they also took precautions. They tried to make sure their fire never went out as it was such a source of life for them. It cooked their meat, it kept their shelters warm, it gave them light. Or, in the case of the winner of season 1, he let his fire go out deliberately because he was more worried about conserving his wet wood.

One participant lost his flint and had to leave the show when his fire went out, and he didn't have the skills or tools to start a new one. So many people left the show because they were careless with their knife, which happens especially when their groggy, hungry minds lost some of their clear thinking. Several people almost or did burn down their shelter. Some folks battled animals stealing their food or bears getting too close to their shelter. So many people ran out of food.

The successful ones tried to think ahead - constantly fortifying their shelters against the upcoming winter, smoking fish to plan ahead with their food bank, wearing gloves when using their knife, and always keeping the fire burning.

There's a scene in the book "The Martian," by Andy Weir, where a part of his space station on Mars blows up because of a tiny crack that he could did not see, that he could have seen if he had inspected more closely. This error lead to catastrophic problems. Well, the survivors on this show sometimes regretted not taking certain precautions - especially one man who had to deal with animals stealing his food.

8. Be grateful.
Many of the most successful outdoorsmen on this show had a healthy mixture of hope and gratitude. They were grateful when they caught animals to eat. One man that was a skilled hunter talked about the dichotomy of appreciating and not wanting to hurt wildlife but needing food to survive. He rejoice and cried over his successful hunting. Each person talked about people they loved and missed, and how their gratitude for their family increased as they missed them more. The winner of the first season thought about how he would use the money to give back to his dad who had done so much for him. Many of those who gave up didn't really care about the money, which I thought was perfectly fine and healthy, but several of the participants that desperately wanted to win were focused on how they could use the money toward those they loved. It says something about their determination that their motivation came from meaningful intentions.

Luke 17:11-19 tells the story of Jesus healing ten lepers. While the lepers had faith that Jesus could heal them, once they were healed, only one stopped to give thanks. Gratitude gives us joy and happiness. I think this leper knew his life had changed forever and because of his gratitude, he probably woke up every day from that point on refreshed and rejoicing, even if he had to face new trials. 

I hope never to forget to have hope, be grateful, and seek learning so that I can always improve myself, to live a meaningful and joyful life.

About me:
I am by no means as talented an outdoorsman as even some of the people that left the show within their first week of outdoor isolation. I do however, have an avid interest and love of the outdoors. To give a little bit of background on my fascination with this show, I grew up camping, am CPR-certified and was once the assigned lifeguard for a group of backpackers on a three-day hike. I took wilderness survival classes in college (including a solo overnight campout with no matches allowed - I started the fire by creating sparks off my pocket knife into a little fire nest that I had learned to make), participated in the Boy Scout program as a leader, was a Girl's Camp director one year, and have read many books about survivors and adventurers (Endurance; Deep Survival: Who Lives,Who Dies, and Why; Four Against the Arctic, Boys in the Boat, The Long Walk, Into the Wild, Into Thin Air, The Perfect Storm, Fire, Weird Hikes, and the fictional books Islands of the Blue Dolphins, Hunger Games, The Martian, The Hero and the Crown, and Dune ... are some books that I have enjoyed that come to mind). I've competed in and placed in trail races, traveled thousands of miles over the last 20 years on my mountain bike, and sometimes do gear reviews for a couple of different companies. (And yes, I get to keep the gear.) In other words, my skills are limited but I do brush up on being in the wild as often as I can, whether by personally spending time on trails or reading about it.

Top Five Favorite Things in the Annual Children's Primary Program

It's that time of the year again. Primary Program season! This year will be the first year that I haven't had a key role in preparing the children for the program (either as President or Chorister) in eight years. I loved my years in Primary but I didn't realize how much Primary took up my waking hours between work and family so this year, I'm taking a very relaxed breath and focusing on other areas of my life (and my new calling as adult Sunday School teacher). 

However, in memory of eight great years, here are my top five favorite things to do in a Primary Program:

1. Let the children share their testimonies in a way they are comfortable sharing:

Our method was to interview the children beforehand and to use that interview to help them write a one-sentence script that they could memorize. Your interview questions should be age-sensitive. You might ask a younger child:

a) What can you tell me about Jesus?

b) What is your favorite Bible story?

c) What does it mean to "Love One Another"?

Obviously, it helps to look at the "Come Follow Me Manual for Primary" to choose questions based on each month's topics. We always interviewed them in the hallway with the doors open, and sitting in little chairs. We had several interviews happening at the same time so the children could see each other and not get intimidated about their interview.

2. Create a physical program

Our Primary programs always covered a few different themes, which we punctuated with a song, a talk assignment for a child, and by having some of the other children share their simple answers to the questions. I tried to make this clear in the program by typing up the program to include that information, including the name of the child in the order that they would be speaking. I felt that the program was an opportunity for the children to bear their testimonies, and I wanted those that were in the congregation to be able to follow. Leave off the names of the children if this is too intimidating, but try to list out the song names and themes. This helps people focus in on the topic better.

3. Make sure your songs help convey the message

We made sure to introduce each section with either the talk first or the song first. One year, while the song was about the theme, the message was subtle, so I added in a second song, back-to-back, which was the song about the Fourth Article of Faith.

4. Give the congregation an opportunity to participate and share their testimony as well

Every year, the children learned at least one song from the Hymnal. So, when the children sang their hymn, we always invited the congregation to join in for the last verse. I think it's powerful for the children to get to sing something they know well with the rest of the ward.

5.  Most importantly, listen to the spirit

Don't get caught up in being perfect. Don't write a perfect script and assign your five best speakers to impress the congregation. Focus on why the Primary Program is important - it's an opportunity for Primary children to testify of Christ - all children - not just the ones that are particularly articulate. This is not a fancy performance, nor is it a recital. Put the Lord and the children first. And finally ... be considerate and don't go over. The teachers in the second hour put a lot of preparation into their lessons, too :)

Book recommendations! Children's books and youth books that have stuck with me for years.

Growing up, I had my own little bookshelf filled with books that my mom and dad had mostly gifted me over the years. My mom supplemented my reading with weekly trips to the library. I love to read, and my mom helped encourage this love very early on. These are some of the books that have stuck with me all these years, with a few new ones for kids and youth  that made it onto my bookshelves as an adult.

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Books for Children

Tikki Tikki Tembo by Ariene Mosel 
This story about two brothers, one who was given a revered, long name, and one who was treated poorly and given a short name to show his lesser importance, teaches about valuing each person as an individual. As a child, I delighted in the funny, long name of one of the characters, but as I grew older, I loved it just for the compelling story.

I feel like a lot of people have not heard this book which is interesting to me because according to Amazon, this book was named one of the best 50 children's books of the previous 50 years in 1997 by The New York Times. It also was an American Library Association Notable Book and won the Boston Globe-Horn Book Award.

The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle (Age range: 3 and up)
I have a lot of fond memories of pulling this book out of my book shelf and looking through the pages. Honestly, it wasn't my favorite style of art as a kid but I just loved the experience. As an adult, I have most of his books.

Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein
I loved all of Shel's books but am pretty sure this one was my favorite. I am not absolutely sure but I think one of my favorite of his stories (poems), is in this book: "Nobody Loves Me." I love the story of someone who says Nobody loves him(her) until the end of the poem, when s/he can't find Nobody anywhere!

The Mouse and Motorcycle by Beverly Cleary
My husband mentioned that he loved this book when he was a kid. I actually haven't read this one but I recently won a copy of "Ralph S. Mouse" by Beverly Clearly, from the same series, and now I'm excited to read it.

Olivia by Ian Falconer
Olivia wasn't around when I was a child but I fell in love with his little pig when Ian's first book came out. I'm sure most people have heard of Olivia. I love the scene where she makes a small sand castle, and then it shows that she becomes very good at making sand castles. I have a number of the Olivia books but the original is my absolute favorite.

Beautiful Birds by J.Roussen & E. Walker
My friend Anjuli found this wonderful book for me. It takes the reader through a number of different birds in an alphabet story. I'm particularly fond of birds but I think any child would enjoy the beautiful illustrations.

Weslandia by Paul Fleischman
My sister-in-law, Kristian, gave this book to me years ago - it was one of her family's favorites, and I really love this story, too. I love a good story that piques the imagination but also teaches children to pursue their dreams.

Penguin Problems by Jory John
I love this funny story about a grumpy penguin. I have some favorite stories that really have some pretty terrible illustrations, and I know that the author often doesn't have input on the artist. In this case, the art really takes the story to the next level. I love it.

The Tale of Three Trees retold by Angela Elwell Hunt
This sweet story that personifies trees and the value they add to the world was so poignant for me that it has stuck with me for years.

Daughter of a King by Rachel Ann Nunes
My friend Cheri introduced me to this book probably 6 years ago when she read it to a group of girls in our neighborhood during a special mother-daughter evening for young girls (8-11). I am not sure if a little girl would enjoy it as much as me, but this is one of those books that I went out and bought my own copy of immediately after being introduced to it.

Books for Youth (These books are all written from the perspective of a girl.)

The Ordinary Princess by M.M.Kaye (Age range: 8-12)

I still remember pulling this book off one of those turning racks in the library, and being intrigued by the title and cover image of an "ordinary" princess. I remember enjoying this book quite a bit. From Amazon: "This delightful fairy tale is sure to please young romantics ... Neither Kaye's princess nor her her book should be considered ordinary." (School Library Journal)

Tiger Eyes by Judy Blume (Age: 12 and up)

My little library where I grew up in San Jose had a big poster of this book behind the check-out desk. I remember reading this book and sobbing as I read parts of it. The main character loses her dad and ends up moving as a result of the tragedy - but then she meets someone that helps her as she learns to grow past that tragedy. I'm not a crier in general but I love when a book makes me well up with emotion, and I remember this book had that effect on me. Also, you should know that I don't like books that have depressing endings. So, I'm not likely to ever recommend a bad ending!

The Hero and the Crown by Robin McKinley (Age 10 and up)
I did not read this book until I took a 400-level Teaching Literature to Adolescents class in college to get my English minor. I fell in love with this book, hard, and I remember gifting it to my nieces for their birthdays. I dislike a couple of Robin McKinley's books (Spindle's End, Deerskin) so it's interesting that she's also written some of my favorite youth books. This is a great story for a tween or teenager that likes adventure, a (female) hero, and a very subtle bit of romance.

From Amazon: "It is the story of Aerin, haunted since childhood by the legend of her mother-a "witchwoman" who enspelled the king and then died of disappointment after giving birth to a daughter, rather than the heroic son the kingdom needed. But little did the young princess know the long-dormant powers of her mother would wield their own destiny." "Robin McKinley has won various awards and citations for her writing, including the Newbery Medal for The Hero and the Crown and a Newberry Honor for The Blue Sword."

The Blue Sword by Robin McKinley

From Amazon: "This is a zesty, romantic heroic fantasy with an appealingly stalwart heroine, a finely realized mythical kingdom, and a grounding in reality that enhances the tale's verve as a fantasy." —Booklist, starred review

Beauty: A Retelling of of the Story of Beauty and the Beast by Robin McKinley
Few people will be surprised by the plot of this story but it's just so beautifully written. This was another one of those books where my emotions leaked out of me as I read it. I was captivated. I read this when I was in college as a result of reading some of her other books but I would have loved this at a much younger age, too. From Amazon: "This “splendid story” by the Newbery Medal–winning author of The Hero and the Crown has been named an ALA Notable Book and a Phoenix Award Honor Book"(Publishers Weekly).

The Chronicles of Narnia series (I've linked to the exact version that I own.)

I read this when I was in college but I wanted to throw this one in the mix as well because I feel like my list of recommendations might be more appealing to girls, whereas I greatly enjoyed this series, that appeals to boys, too.

Other:

I have so many books that tend to cater to girls more than boys that I wanted to also add that in my later teens, I devoured all of Pier Anthony's fantasy series for: Blue Adept, Xanth, and Immortality. These books were more popular with boys than girls but I also feel like they were for a bit older of an audience and in some cases referenced topics that would not be appropriate for a younger child. I also enjoyed the Nancy Drew detective series, and The Secret Garden.

I would to learn what your favorite books were as a child, or what your kids love now.

Romans 1-6 - Trials and Patience (Section at the end for children/music)

For those studying the New Testament this year alongside Come Follow Me: For Individuals and Families, this week's study is Romans 1-6. I'll be teaching about the book of Romans in a couple of weeks so for now, I'm focusing on my reaction as I read these set of scriptures.

The Pattern of the New Testament
I have been fascinated with the way the different books of the Bible roll together. This is obviously too succinct of a description to do it justice but I would classify my experience as:

• Section 1: The Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John): Jesus teaches in parables.  He also taught by example and how he lived his life, plus the experiences of his 12 disciples. Trying to learn the parables through listening to his audience try (and sometimes fail) to understand them is incredibly insightful.
• Section: 2: Acts (The Acts of the Apostles): It's the forming of a team! Just like some of my favorite recent movies about the Avengers, The Guardians of the Galaxy, etc, a rag tag team of individuals with their own strengths and flaws come together and form a powerhouse of good. That's where we meet Saul who became Paul, who plays a pivotal role in later books in the New Testament.
• Section 3: Romans: Paul teaches us. Suddenly, I feel like I'm at General Conference. I'm listening to a leader try to knock some sense into me because he wants me to have the best life I can by blessing me with guidelines, trying to help me understand the power of the gospel, and sometimes send some stern admonishments. 

To distill this down even further, it's:
Parables -> A serge of missionary work -> Paul preaches

Again, obviously, it's way deeper and more energizing than that, but I'm speaking in terms of overall patterns as I study the scriptures.

What Paul Taught Me this Week
First, it was helpful to read the Come Follow Me lesson this week and understand that Paul wrote many of the epistles to Saints in the church that comprise the New Testament, and that Romans was actually written toward the end of his journey. Think of our beloved President Nelson. He's a very wise man but his wisdom has only grown, and we rely on his latest lessons even more so than things he taught 20 years ago, though of course, we listen to that advice, too!

Second, I went into the scripture study thinking about some frustrating things that I was dealing with at work. I love my job and what I do, and have great managers and colleagues - though like these wonderful disciples and leaders, they (and I) are not perfect. I was recently put into a very stressful situation at work by leaders that trust me to be able to navigate the rough waters but it felt (feels) like an almost impossible situation. I began reading Romans with this situation in the back of my mind, and some hope that the scriptures would give me answers and comfort.

After reading through Romans 1-4, this is what jumped out at me when I reached Romans 5:3-5:

"And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope; And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost, which is given unto us."

I tend to scoff a little when I hear people say they pray for adversity in their life because I have yet to meet someone that said, "Hey, I was just diagnosed with [insert bad thing here]. I'm so glad the Lord answered my prayer for adversity." No, instead, they immediately turn around and beg for that bad thing to go away. So ... I do appreciate the adversity I have had in my life but in hindsight only. I don't enjoy it or feel particularly grateful when it's happening to me, and I certainly don't court it. I feel humbled. I feel grateful for the Lord. I'm not gonna lie - I want that bad thing to Go. Away.

In Acts, Paul was falsely accused, had false witnesses lined up against him, was imprisoned, was even bitten by a snake. He had a falling away with his good buddy, fellow disciple Barnabas, who had defended him when he first converted. Life was tough! However, he understood this concept of patience and hope, and it made him a better man.

Several years ago, I had one of the worst two years of my life because of a very bad work situation that lasted a very long time and bled into my personal life because I was so stressed and unhappy about the work situation. It was a lead ball that I dragged around with me even after I left work for the day. It was pretty horrible. However, Paul teaches:

tribulation =  patience
patience = experience
experience = hope

Therefore, tribulation ---> hope.

I saw this in action. A year after I left that terrible work situation, I ended up in another frustrating work situation, with colleagues that were also frustrated. We discussed our situation often and it was clear to me that while we were all frustrated, I seemed to be handling it a little better. I was mad but their morale was so low I saw it change their personalities - as had happened to me from my previous trial. These were smart colleagues that I greatly admire - how could I handle this any better than them?

I firmly believe that I had had enough of the same kind of tribulation that I had learned the tribulation -> patience -> experience -> hope aspect, at least for that specific troubling situation.

I hope you're following me. This is a very long ways of me trying to explain that for every tribulation we experience, we gain greater hope, and my testimony that I personally witnessed this to be true.

Hope, well ... it gives me hope. It makes the bad things I'm dreading ahead a little easier to process.

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28-29.

How does this apply to children?
Talk to the children about what it means to have faith like Paul in understanding that good things can come out of bad things (i.e., patience can come out of tribulation) and have children share songs that come to mind for them that talk about this. Or, go the opposite and have children choose slips of paper that have these songs written about this that help teach your point. You can either use hints to see if the children can guess the song and then sing it, or you can sing the song with children and ask them to identify what it has to do with learning about faith, patience, and hope from Paul in Romans.

Songs with sample hints/topic lines:

When I Am Baptized
"I can be forgiven and improve myself each day."

Faith
"Faith is trust in God above;
In Christ, who showed the way."

"Faith is strengthen; I feel it grow
Whenever I obey"

Nephi's Courage
"I will go; I will do the things the Lord commands.
I know the Lord provides a way."

Family History Made Exciting

A friend of mine recently shared an interesting article on Family History with me, called "The Stories that Bind Us," by Bruce Feiler. This article talks about a measure called "Do You Know" that Dr. Marshall Duke and his colleague, Dr. Robyn Fivush - two psychologists - put together, that measured children on how well they knew their family history, and how much that knowledge impacted their psychological well being.

The trigger for creating this test was that Dr. Duke's wife, Sara, was a psychologist who worked with children with disabilities, and she had noticed that the ones who knew a lot about their families tended to face challenges more successfully. Dr. Marshall Duke set out to test that theory.

The conclusions from the "Do You Know Test," which tested over four dozen families, were overwhelming. "The more children knew about their family's history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successfully they believed their families functioned."

This is a fascinating read, and I highly recommend you click on the link above.

So how do you make family history come alive with your family, without it feeling like a burden?

Making Family History Come Alive
I worked directly with the leading genealogy experts (they wrote articles for our magazine, for which I was an editor) at one of the leading genealogy companies in the world for seven years (Ancestry.com) so I'm well aware of how intimidating and complex family history work can be - hunting down gravestones, deciphering mistakes made by well-meaning fellow amateur genealogists in your extended family, discovering that the reason you can't find someone by their age is that they lied because they didn't want to be older than their spouse, etc. I also know how serendipitous it can be - tripping at a cemetery and landing on the gravestone of your great-great-great-great that you've been unable to find, discovering a long-lost cousin, etc.

Some recommendations:

1. Tell stories.
During the Christmas season, when I make honey candy with my mother-in-law, as the honey stretches and turns white, she says, "Mother would say this candy is now the color of Dixie's hair." Dixie was her sister that passed away when Dixie was around 16 and she was only about 2. However, in re-telling this small story, her mother, and now Franny, has kept Dixie alive in the hearts of three generations.

Several years ago, I told my nephew and nieces the story of when the third youngest in the family was born, and how I had stayed with them while their parents went to the hospital. They were young at the time, and had not heard the story before. It was so fun to see their excitement and interest in these stories about themselves that they no longer remembered.

Focus on stories that whet their interest so they are excited to learn more!

2. Ask questions.
I regularly send emails to family members with random questions, To my siblings: "Hey, what game do you remember we liked to play the most when we were kids?" To my parents: "Mom, you said you used to draw for an archeologist. How did you get that job? What did you draw?" (Real question to my mom :)!) These short questions can sometimes spark an online conversation with my family members that live in four different cities and three different states.

3. Encourage children to ask questions.
This is not something children tend to have a problem with when they are comfortable around you of course ("Why? Why? Why?") but you can help them focus their questions on things that help them learn and grow.

4. Make family history a regular part of your lives.
My sister taught her kids the song "Family History, I am Doing It" when they were really little. They loved this song and sang it at their big family reunions on her husband's side of the family. I love how it made them aware of family, and made them think about what family meant to them.

5. Make sure to record things in their own words.
This one is so important and one that I think people really don't think about. Yesterday night, I read the family history of my husband's grandparents, who passed away long before I was around to meet them. In the family history, Grandma Shumway wrote the family history for Grandpa Shumway, because he had already passed away. Then, before the book was published, the author (a son) that was doing all the research found an old interview he had conducted with his dad, and was able to share something that Grandpa Shumway had written in his own words many years before. It was such a treasure for us to read about him in his own words. He had a very poetic style that made me realize where my mother-in-law's style comes from.

I have also seen parents copy down funny things their kids say, word for word. I think this capturing of the actual personality and way of saying things is so important and valuable, now that I've personally witnesses the disappointment, then exhilaration, of finding the words of someone that has long since passed from this world.

I have asked my parents to write their own biographies in their own words for me. I have been interviewing over the years so I could write an interesting biography about them, but I don't want to miss out on the opportunity to hear about how they write their own lives, in their own words.

6. Check out online journaling apps
I use Penzu but there are many other options. I focus on writing things that I can reflect on, that make me a better person, and that is an experience that really impacted me. I think about the Bible or the Book of Mormon, and what those writers focused on in the short amount of time and space that they had to work with, and I try to focus on writing a legacy that is worth reading.

Happy Family History-ing!